I heard a story recently that broke my heart and boiled my blood at the same time.
A young woman spent ten whole years with a man—stood by him when he had nothing, prayed for him, cooked for him, gave her all, believed in his dreams even when her own were crumbling… only for him to wake up one morning and say:
“I can’t marry you.”
Ten years.
Ten years of loyalty.
Ten years of sacrifice.
Ten years of doing everything but signing her name on his forehead…
And he still said no.
This isn’t just her story. It’s the story of too many Nigerian women, giving their youth and peace of mind to men who never had clear intentions from the beginning.
So let me talk to you, my sister. From one woman to another. From a heart that has been there:
Don’t play wife to a boyfriend.
You’re not a live-in chef. You’re not a personal assistant. You’re not a trial version of a wife. If he hasn’t married you, then don’t give him the full package. This isn’t Jumia—there’s no “Pay on Delivery” here.
Time means nothing without direction.
Some women think, “Let me stay, he’ll come around.”
Sis, if time could make a man commit, heartbreak wouldn’t exist. It’s not about how long you’ve been there. It’s about how intentional he is. A man that wants you will not leave you in limbo.
Ask questions and ask them early.
You’re not a piece of furniture in his life—placed in the corner, collecting dust. Ask him:
Where are we going?
What’s your vision for us?
When are we taking the next step?
If he’s angry, defensive, or vague… you already know the answer. Run!
Don’t be afraid to leave.
Too many women are stuck in long-term situationships because they’re afraid to start again. But guess what? Starting over is better than dragging pain into your future. You can recover lost time, but you can’t recover from a broken spirit.
Sëx won’t secure commitment.
Let’s be real. Giving him your body won’t guarantee a ring. It might buy you time, yes, but it’ll also blur your judgment. And when the smoke clears, you’ll realize you’ve been fighting for a place in someone’s life who never saw you in his future.
Love intelligently.
Love is not stupidity. Be kind, but keep boundaries. Be patient, but be observant.
Being emotional is okay, but being blind? That one no dey help anybody.
Know your worth and refuse to settle.
You are not a placeholder. You are not a substitute. You are not an experiment. You are the real deal. A blessing. A crown. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife…” — not “He who strings her along.”
To every sister who has been used, ignored, or emotionally dragged through the mud —
I pray for your healing.
May your eyes open to see what God sees in you.
May your heart gain strength to walk away when love turns to confusion.
May your next relationship honor your worth.
And may you marry once, marry well, and marry in peace.
My advice?
Don’t lose yourself trying to prove your value to someone who’s too blind to see it.
Love doesn’t keep you guessing. Love brings clarity.
Choose wisely. Love boldly. Walk away when necessary.
And always remember — you are never too late to be loved right.
Mary Peter
STORY-MEDIC 🩺
